Friday, February 10, 2012

Begin

When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your affections for me


These favorite lyrics of mine are from the worship song "How He Loves," the best known version of which is sung by David Crowder Band. I absolutely love the poetic conciseness of how God outshines the very worst of the darkness surrounding us, how He overtakes our problems so that they seem nothing compared to Him. It reminds me of the lyrics of "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus":

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.


I am beginning this blog as a chronicle of my journey as a wife and mother. The title is a reminder to me to keep my eyes on Jesus even when the surrounding world, my afflictions, are numerous and try to pull me from the only Person who can comfort me in them. I am an optimist by heart, and I have always found it easy to keep a broad perspective of issues I am dealing with; I am able to think easily of the future both near and distant (as in, Jesus' return and final judgment of evil) and keep things in correct perspective. But as one chapter of my life and Jordan's life draws to a close this spring, I know that challenges and pain will arise as I have never dealt with before.

In all honesty, I am a bit afraid. I have had a wonderful life, have avoided much heartache, have not had to deal with the loss of a close relative or friend. I have actually had to talk to God about feelings of guilt coming over me when I think of pains my friends have gone through that my own pains have not come close to, and I have come to Him with questions of "why me?" and fairness. He has helped me deal with those feelings, but there is another struggle that I am going through. God has blessed me so much, and I am entirely thankful to Him, but my human mind thinks in fear, "Is this in preparation for much struggle? How many more blessings can one person receive without having some intense hardship befall her?" I do know that I will eventually go through some hard struggles, so I realize my fear is a lack of faith in God's control over my own mind, that I am afraid that I will not be able to handle the pain. But whether or not God chooses to place afflictions in my path, such as a parent or sibling dying, or lack of a job for either Jordan or I or both, or one of our children having to deal with a crippling mental or physical disability, I must remember that He is in control, both of the circumstances and of my spirit. The title of this blog will remind me, each time I write in it, that God is the only One to whom I can turn for what I need, and that no matter how bad my situation may get, it is still eclipsed by His glory.